I took a stand today

I took a stand today. I was nervous to do it. I agonized over the wording. I worried I'd offend someone. 


But I did it.


I stood up for what I believe.


My stand was this: I WILL NOT be reading the book "Fifty Shades of Grey". 


And you know, its not simply the ONE book that I won't be reading. I've been feeling lately that romance novels (the ones with 'bedroom scenes', to use polite language) are simply porn directed toward women. It's not a literal picture put in front of us, but those images are instead created in our own minds through the interpretation of the words we are reading, thanks to our imaginations. And if I find myself skipping over a few pages in a novel, maybe I shouldn't be reading it in the first place...


Words are powerful. Whether written or said. 


So, for me, I'll be removing those types of books from my personal library. I don't presume to make the rules for everyone else, but I feel strongly about this issue for myself. And because its something I feel so strongly about, I felt like maybe someone else has been thinking/feeling the same thing and needed to know they weren't alone in their beliefs. So I made a public stand. I hope it helps anyone who needed it and that it causes others to thing a little more about their own personal beliefs. 


And somehow, I hope it helps another woman know that her beliefs are important. They have value. And maybe, just maybe, it will give her the courage to stand...and the sense of freedom that comes with it.

Journaling

I've started keeping a journal.

I used to keep one, but I found that physically writing was ridiculously hard and took me forever. I type sooo much faster than I can write. So, I'm keeping a typed journal. I really like it so far.

I was having a hard time blogging because I would end up almost journaling my thoughts on here. And so, on good days and bad ones I would find myself blogging. And it was hard not to ramble on and on....

Problem solved. I'm journaling.

Hopefully I'll be able to take inspiration from things I'm dealing with, things I'm learning, and experiences I'm having and blog about those things, instead of trying to keep a record of it ALL on here.

Yay for new ideas! :)

So, I may not blog as often, but hopefully the content will be less random, more focused, and more insightful. One can always hope, at any rate.

And, like it always does, time will tell...

Answers

Wow. I woke up this morning and was scrolling through FaceBook while I drank my SPARK and *BAM* God kinda hit me in the face with answers to my questions from last night. 


Here's what I read:

Wouldn't it be powerful if you fell in love with yourself so deeply that you would do just about anything if you knew it would make you happy? This is precisely how much life loves you and wants you to nurture yourself. The deeper you love yourself, the more the universe will affirm your worth. Then you can enjoy a lifelong love affair that brings you the richest fulfillment from inside out. ~Alan Cohen
Written by: Kayla (Click HERE to read her blog.)

That was written by my friend, Kayla. It was just a big wow moment for me. I 'liked' her status and kept on scrolling.

I ran into this one next:

Stay on track this weekend with your goals! Be strong and remember why you started this journey. I know it can be hard, but you are not alone. Look to God for strength, He is right there waiting for you to hand over your fears, your doubts and your worries to Him :) Blessings to you all. WE can do this!! Press on....

Written by: Jen (Click HERE to read her blog.)

What's kind of crazy about that one is I kind of stumbled across Jen's blog yesterday afternoon through a random series of events. A friend posted a picture to pinterest, which made a status update on FB. I clicked it, clicked the picture, and found her blog.... random right? Well, I sent her a friend request on FB through her blog because I liked her story and wanted to take some time over the next few weeks and read her blogs. Craziness. Her post this morning totally spoke to me. 

As I sat here thinking about how God just kind of handed me some inspiration on a platter, I scrolled a little further....and found confirmation number 3.

When God gave the command to go to Pharaoh and lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses' immediate response was to say, "Who am I?" Perhaps he was thinking of his occupation as a lowly shepherd living in Midian. Maybe he was referring to his lineage--He was part of the Hebrew race that was enslaved in Egypt. Or He might have been recalling his past, when he killed an Egyptian and had to flee Egypt (Ex. 2:12). The Lord answered his objection with a wonderful promise: "I will be with you" (3:12).

In order to carry out God's plan, we need to believe fully in the One who has called us. When Moses questioned his assignment again, the Lord answered by revealing Himself as the great I AM and the One who had promised to rescue the Israelites (vv. 14-17). By trusting in the character and promises of almighty God, Moses would be able to carry out this seemingly impossible assignment. -Dr. Stanley 

Written by: Derrick

And then my friend, Derrick, commented on his post. He said: ‎"Faith barriers hinder the flow of divine power in our life, slow spiritual growth, and prevent us from fully carrying out God's will. We must remember who He is, who we are, and where power comes from. That is, He's Sovereign over all, we're new creations in Christ, and His Spirit empowers us."

Okay, God. I'm listening.

Wishing...

You know something? Sometimes I wish I was different.

As I blogged this morning about my day, as I thought about how wonderful my life is and how blessed I am, I realized that the one thing that I am not completely happy with is me. I often feel like I'm not good enough or like I'm not capable of adequately taking care of all I've been given. I wonder why I've been so blessed. The fact that I am blessed isn't even a question, it's obvious that I am. But why me? There's so many little things I wish were different about me....

I wish I was one of those cute girls who always looks put together and gorgeous. You know, clothes, hair, and makeup all just right. Sometimes I wish I was super athletic. I wish I could throw a football with the guys and not look like a complete idiot. I wish I had been allowed to play soccer as a kid. (I don't know what that matters, but for some reason I think that if I had been allowed to then maybe, just maybe, I'd be more athletic today.) I wish sometimes that I had more get-up-and-go and was more self-motivated. I wish that I could fix my hair a million different ways, like I see some girls do, and that I had the patience to do it! I wish that I kept a spotless house like I used to. I wish I was uber organized the way that I once was. I wish that my kids were perfectly well behaved all the time, and that it was because of some amazing quality that I had that brought peace and organization to the chaos I live in. (It's sweet chaos, but it's chaotic none the less.) I wish that I had more time to read books. I wish I could read self-help books and remember what I read for longer than a few days/weeks. I wish that I could set my mind to do something and do it, without forgetting about everything else I need to do in the process. I wish I knew what to say to hurting people, instead of feeling lost and inept. I wish I woke up every morning with my goals clearly before me and a mission each day. I wish I went to bed every night feeling accomplished and like I had done a great job by my husband and kiddos, instead of thinking about all the things I could have done differently.

I wish, I wish, I wish....

So, in "Kim-esque" fashion, this makes me ask myself some questions.

So, how do I become all of that? Is it worth my efforts? Which piece of that puzzle matters the most? Where do I start? How do I do those things?

And that leads me to this train of thought - Do I dare document the journey? I'm talking honestly document the journey. Post how I really feel, what I really think, what I'm really going through. Am I willing to look at the glass half empty sometimes and see the bad and not just ignore it? Am I willing to take a leap of faith and prioritize my 'goals' and try to become the person I dream of? Are those things that important to me? Or am I just wishing my life away for something not worth attaining to?

I tend to make things kind of grey in my attempt to see it from all angles. And I tend to over analyze things. By the way, I can totally hear you chuckling at that. I know it's kind of obvious that I over think things! I can't help it! Another one of those things I wish I didn't do so much. I wish I just made a decision - one based on facts and made quickly - and jumped right into stuff. But I don't. And maybe that's okay.... it's gotten me this far! :) I have a kind of focused intensity on things. I'll pick one thing that needs to happen and I zero in on it until it's done. But in the process, I leave everything else just kind of laying around until I finished that one thing. And then I feel like I'm starting from scratch on all of those things. It's a vicious cycle.

Do you deal with any of that? What helps you?

A day in the life of me

I had BIG plans yesterday of having all the kiddos in bed by 7p. *laughing hysterically at my  naiveté *

Around 9p I finally got the 3 younger babies in bed, by 10:30p I had all 4 of them in their beds, and by 11p they were all FINALLY asleep. By then I felt the need to relax and grabbed a bubble bath and a book. And as a result I didn't go to sleep until 2a. Oops.

I'm just a bit tired today. To put it mildly. 

My body is tired, but my heart is full. And you know what? I'm happy!

My life is often crazy and chaotic. My home is usually a disaster zone for 4 daily tornadoes. But my home is full of love, joy, and peace.

I am blessed.

My day is usually started by little voices in the baby monitor saying, "Mooommmmaaaa....I'm ready to get uuuuppppp.", very sweetly and softly. Those voices get louder and more insistent with each repetition. And if I fail to get downstairs and to those babies quickly enough I'll hear thump thump thump on the stairs as they run up them to find me. Sometimes they'll knock first, but I'm always jumped on by 2 sets of arms and legs and lots of "The sun is awake, Momma! It's time to GET UP!" from excited little boys. The girls are less enthusiastic about the start of a new day. When I come downstairs I usually find them snuggled up half asleep on the couch watching cartoons. Maybe they'll have made themselves a snack, maybe they'll have gotten dressed, maybe they'll be grumpy and whiny....it's always a toss of the coin with those two. (I have visions of teenagers in my future...)

So, I mosey into the kitchen and make myself a SPARK. (Think coffee, for those of you who don't know what SPARK is. It's my mental wake me up. I don't go without it.) I always end up sharing it with kiddos, so I always make extra. Once I'm half-way awake I start on breakfast. Depending on the voracity of appetites - which I usually gauge by grouchiness levels - I'll make something quick or something more intricate. You know, quick like oatmeal or intricate like sausage, eggs, and biscuits. Hey, I never claimed to be a chef! ;) Then it's time to snuggle on the couch and wait for moods to improve. Once the food kicks in, my day EXPLODES. Kids running every direction, toys come out in full force, laughter, giggles, screams, debates, fights, "I'm sorrys", new ideas, imaginations going crazy, games made up on the spot, trains on major journeys, cars having races, school teachers teaching baby dolls. Just to name a little bit of my "sweet chaos". :) This is my time to clean the kitchen, play referee, change diapers (only one kiddo left in those things, thank you Jesus!), and start heating the oven up for lunch.

And so my day continues....

I don't usually sit down, except to eat, all day. But I do laugh a lot, rescue random toys, give out lots of hugs and kisses, and enjoy my life. I'm busy. My kids drive me crazy sometimes. But I'm fulfilled. I'm happy. And I'm blessed.

It's in the quiet moments after my house has settled down for the night that I realize how boring my life would be if it was any different. I've had people ask me why I have 4 kids....and well, we just do! It felt like the right decision and I can't imagine my life any other way. People ask us all the time if we are done, if we'll have any more, etc. And I don't know. I know we aren't having any more any time soon, but I don't know what God has planned for us. I do know that I am content, my heart is full, and my life is blessed because of these four little faces, these four sets of dirty feet, and these four little lives we are blessed to mold and shape on their way to becoming who God has designed them to be.

So, here's what I know -
My life is crazy and chaotic, I may be tired often, my home is usually decorated by children, and I am blessed.