Letting Go

Have you ever found yourself walking around a little bit dazed, feeling a little bit empty, a whole lot confused, and not really knowing why you are feeling that way? This is the place I've found myself lately. I'm feeling a little disoriented....not really sure what my purpose is or where I'm supposed to be headed. I mean, I know my purpose so far as the "mommy/wife" role, but I'm talking about the greater purpose that God has for me. The where that I'm supposed to be going for Him.

I'm still not sure where that is, but I do know that I'm here, in this place, for a reason. (Still not sure what the reason IS, but I know that I know that I know that God doesn't just leave us....so I'm here for a reason.) And I know that time will show it to me....when He's ready.

Yesterday at church my amazing pastor taught an amazing sermon. I know that he spoke on a major event in the Bible with several really amazing points, but to be honest I couldn't tell you what they were. What I got from the sermon, however was this: It's time to let go. It's time to let go of the hurts, the fears, the disappointments, the failures, the lies, the "issues" with others or that others have had with me, the anger, the disillusionment caused by situations and things out of my control. It's time to let go of the things that are so deep down that I can't even put a name on them. It's time to just LET GO.

So, I did. I honestly can't tell you what all I let go of, but I just did it. And it came from somewhere deep in me and it was hard, and it hurt, and then it felt so freeing. My heart got light, my tears came from somewhere deep inside me that was just relieved to let. it. go. And all I know is this: I really really really don't want it back. So, whatever it was that I was letting make me hard, whatever it was that I was allowing to keep walls up, whatever it was that was making me bitter....good riddance!

I feel deep within me that now it's time to just be still and let God do His work in me. I don't know where I'm going, I don't know what He's got planned for me, but I know that I'm willing. And I know that it is good. And perfect. And something only I can do. Because above all else I know that God created me on purpose, for a purpose, and perfectly for His kingdom.

So, this heart is now determined in a different way, for now. I am determined to be still, and to wait... I know He'll speak when I'm truly ready.

Love,
Kim